What a week it has been in celeb sightings: Victoria Beckham launched her collection at On Pedder, Kate Bosworth and Godfrey Gao are at Audi Fashion Festival and the X-Men blue carpet was graced by Hugh Jackman, Fan Bing Bing and Peter Dinklage.

Have you ever thought what would happen if all the celebs visiting Singapore this week met at Saturday’s much-anticipated Disclosure event at Zouk? We go into the deep recesses of our imaginative minds and conjure up what might go down.


Victoria Beckham Buys The Singapore Flyer?!

Amidst the quicksilver sounds and frantic strobing lights, two shadowy figures in their enclave overlooking the pulsating dance floor drop the opening of ‘Defeated No More’ entwined with scratchy synths and a haunting Ed Macfarlane’s reverberating voice.

Howard Lawrence slides the faders to a higher BPM and his brother plugs in a live guitar. A single strum and the whole of Zouk collectively purrs in response to Guy. The two brothers grin.

In an alcove above the undulating bodies, Victoria smooths out the pleats on her diagonal mini skirt – a Victoria Beckham Spring 2014 Ready To Wear, no less. The lights glinted off her shimmery bronzer – something she probably shouldn’t have bothered with thanks to the 15 minutes she spent walking under the T3 skylights in Changi Airport, she thought grimacing as she glanced at her guests.

Fan Bing Bing’s face wears her characteristic doe-eyed expression of wonder, blinking furiously at the lights. How she managed that face 24/7 with all that work done, V didn’t know – no idea really, what with being au natural now sans her torpedo bazookas.

Kate Bosworth had her hands clasped around a Gimlet, looking slightly mournful in a sparkling black Louis Vuitton number. Ugh. She really needs something VB, Victoria thought.

“Kate, darling, you have such a gorg figure. I just know you’ll look amazing in a VB. I’ll have my people draw you up something fantastic to wear!”

Kate gives a start – she had been trying to recall if she SK-II-ed her face that night.

“That sounds divine, Vicky! Uh…can I call you Vicky?” she asks uneasily. “Oh, I also never got to thank you for the invite! I’m totally feeling this club! Singapore does know how to get down and dirty. Michael and I don’t do much of this,” she smiles.

“Oh, yes! I love to do these girl’s night out thingies!” chimes in Bing Bing earnestly.

Before V can reply as kindly as possible, a shard of light reflects off a tall dark stranger chiseled face, nearly blinding them all.

“Wow, when they say SK-II gives your crystal clear skin, they weren’t kidding!” V remarks. “Hello, Godfrey.”

Godfrey Gao pretends to doff his imaginary hat and smoothly unbuttons his blazer. He deftly leans in for air kisses and then slides into his seat with an easy smile.

“So!” Godfrey says, rubbing his hands. “To what do I owe this pleasure?”

“Oh, I’m so sorry for the wait, darlings – we seem to be missing a few more from our grand gathering. Peter Dinklage was supposed to join us. And Hugh hasn’t been replying my texts.” Victoria sniffs.

“Maybe he out with Batman or something!” cuts in Bing Bing with an airy laugh.

“Wrong universe, Blink,” comes a voice from near the table’s edge.

“Peter! You here!” squeals Bing Bing at the sight of her colleague.

Victoria smiles and blows an air kiss in Peter Dinklage’s direction.

“Pardon my tardiness, my fair ladies and good ser. Lady Bing Bing, always a pleasu- Ah. I meant: wotcher Bing Bing! Sometimes I forget I’m not in the fabled courts of Westeros,” Peter chortles.

Peter quaffs his pint of amber liquid and attempts to tackle the seats which are bit too high for his liking.

Kate slips out of her reverie to realize she’s staring at Peter and subtly attempts to avert her eyes.

“Why don’t we play a game while we wait on Hugh? You know that game Ellen created? Michael and I, like, have so much of fun playing it on date nights!” she yelps, scrabbling in the dark for her phone.

Oh. So they’re THAT kind of a couple, thinks at least 3 heads around the table.

Another figure skulks up to them in the dark. Goddamn this bloody place and its enigmatic corners, curses Victoria silently. They should have just done lunch without the night owl Lawrence brothers at chic restaurants recommended by a local lady blogger her assistant had found called Ladyironchef or something.

The figure’s face melds out of the darkness and speaks in a raspy voice.

“Well, well, well. And there I was thinking I’d never see a stranger crowd than an X-Men gathering.” grins Hugh Jackman in a low voice.

“Hugh! You here!” squeals Bing Bing on cue.

Hugh waves a jolly hello to everyone at the table and shrugs off his leather jacket.

“Right. I’d like to thank everybody for graciously accepting my invitation here tonight,” starts Victoria, in a business like tone. “My assistant will cc Guy and Howard in our follow up emails.”

A woman fluidly steps out of the nowhere beside Victoria and starts taking notes.

“I’ve gathered you all here tonight because we all have something in common today.”

Everyone at the table listens intently. The strange invite embossed with crisp grand VB initials that arrived weeks ago will all make sense soon.

“Today, we find ourselves on the sunny shores of Singapore. I thank you, my celebrated friends, for accepting my generous complimentary suites at the exquisite Marina Bay Sands hotel. David’s a partner; we can get more suites if you find yourself in need of an extra room.” Victoria posits nonchalantly.

No, no, there was more to this, thought Peter. He had read all the GoT books, these secret meetings were akin to Cersei’s with her council.

“While you enjoy the luxury of the rooms,” Victoria continues, “I ask that you look out of your windows from time to time and drink in the beautiful landscape by one of the world’s most expensive hotel properties. And you’ll notice, although I reckon you’ll do more than notice…a great shining beacon on the skyline that goes round and round.”

“The sun?” asks Bing Bing.

“No, my dear. The Eye. The Singapore version of The Eye!” answers Victoria with her own eyes gleaming.

It made sense to her. David was already in a partnership with the Singapore side of the Sands Properties Ltd, so it was only fitting that they bought the wheel that was beside the hotels too. He could have his own thing and she could have her own. They’d never let her own The London Eye here anyway…

No one’s moved a muscle. Everyone seemed to be in deep thought.

“The Singapore Flyer’s predecessors have put the wheel up for grabs! What I’m offering you, my dear friends, is a pretty swell investment deal. We’ll each own a piece of the London Eye that’s in Singapore! So please do take a gander around and you’ll see why it’s worth it. I have so many ideas for that wheel!” gushed Victoria.

The first of which would be a 100m light display of her, she thought. Oh the possibilities!

Kate looked sold judging from her dreamy faraway look, no doubt thinking about date night with her hubby. Peter seemed to be furtively looking around as though expecting a coup. Hugh and Bing Bing were excitedly gabbing about a potential “flyer-mile-high-club”.

Godfrey, however, appeared to be uninterestedly picking at his blazer lapels.

Oh well, can’t win them all, she thought. It even turned out better than she had expected! Ain’t No Stopping Us Now!

Guy and Lawrence appear behind them suddenly.


Bing Bing turns excitedly to the two brothers.

“I’m here to talk to you about the Flyer initiative.”

“Wrong universe again, Blink.” intones Peter again, rolling his eyes.