We all love going for movies but this being Singapore, we are bound to meet people that are begging for us to pour a whole bucket of popcorn on them. That is if it’s worth wasting the popcorn in the first place.

So here I have with you a guide on how not to piss people off in the cinema.

1) SILENT PLEASE!

Unless if you are a politician or a businessman, there is NOT a need to check your phone once every 3 minutes. It’s not that I dislike your phone usage habits — it’s the blinding light that ruins my eyes. And the ringtones, really?

I’m not even going to begin on your narcissistic wallpaper because that deserves an entire post on its own.

Bottom line: Our eyes can’t unsee so you might wanna keep that horror to yourself!

2) PEE FIRST.

I don’t understand when people leave the film halfway just to pee. What’s worse if this person sits in the middle crowd because it takes so long for this huge shadow to move away.

Sometimes it’s so distracting that you don’t know what happened in the movie — and hooray, you missed the climax!

That calls for a flying kick or a tackle down the aisle. I just hope she doesn’t pee while the attack happens because that wouldn’t be a pretty sight now, wouldn’t it?

3) GO GREEN

Plastic Bags (it deserves the capitalisation) are possibly the cinema’s biggest enemy.

Not only are they bad for the environment (Popspoken:1,  Aunties: 0), they create this cringe-worthy sound everything someone ruffles it to get something. You know who the culprits usually are?

Aunties.

They refuse to purchase popcorn but go on and buy stuff from NTUC and BOOM she turns a movie into a picnic! The only chance at sanity in situations like these would occur when they are finally full. Which is N E V E R.

4) Keep them babies at home.

Babies are a gift from God.

Sometimes, parents forget that these cute cuddly kids do this thing called crying. I’m not sure if you heard of it, but it is the process of creating this loud shrieking sound that dominates everything else in the room. Which is fine, but NOT when you’re in a cinema.

I don’t want Harry Potter’s voiced to be dubbed over by your child’s noise — we have that Filipino show The Two Of Us for that.

5) Leave the sound effects to the experts.

You can be passionate about the movies, but at least keep your comments to yourself. Girls squealed and screamed at the screen in Never Say Never, boo-ed at a kiss in the Twilight Saga and swoon whenever people take off their shirts.

Come on, really?

The good thing is that they don’t spill the beans about the movie. Ever heard this before: “OMG this guy dies at the end!”?

*stabs*

6) Get a watch

So, the movie starts at 6 and people start streaming in at 6:10. They are late. Fine, we are human after all.

Then they start saying these things:

“EH! START ALREADY!”

“Eh is this Cinema 1?”

“OMG STARTING!”

“Has it started? Is this a trailer?”

“OMG I NEED TO PEE!”

I have a suggestion. How about shut up, come on time and let others enjoy the movie? :)

In conclusion, remember that the cinema is supposed to be a place where people watch movies and not a place for us to admire your wallpaper or scrutinize your butt while you squeeze your way through the aisle.

I hope and pray that none of you will be attacked after this post! :)