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You’re bored with each other. Or so you think.
If there’s one thing that human beings hate, it’s boredom. Nowhere does this truth hit home more acutely than on the relationship front, where once sparkly-eyed, butterflies-in-stomach, lovey-dovey feelings give way to tepid, boring and rote conversations – especially in a long-term relationships. When your sweetie-pie becomes all too predictable and familiar, it’s easy to see no way out of this snooze-fest of a relationship (unless you take the breakup route – oh, horrors). Yet, with a few simple relationship-hacks, it’s actually simple to re-ignite the spark you once had.
1. DIG DEEP
When you spend so much time with a person, it’s almost inevitable that you will run out of things to talk. Work? Check. Family? Check. The latest movie to hit town? Check (and even the upcoming ones have been discussed to death). Yet, while talking about surface-level stuff is easy, delving into the depths of what makes a person tick can be more difficult – yet infinitely more fulfilling. Find out new things about your partner by asking deeper questions. For some question inspiration, don’t be afraid to ask intense questions like these “The 36 Questions That Lead To Love”. So, get brave and rev up the intimacy and connection!
2. SEEK THRILLS
Did you know that science could bring the spark back into your relationship? We’re talking about how thrill-seeking activities can rejuvenate feelings of passion. For instance, bringing your girlfriend to something she’s usually afraid of (say rollercoasters, for those with a fear of heights) could actually get that adrenaline pumping. This hormone release in response to thrills and fears could lead her to associate you with feelings of excitement and even attraction, bringing you guys closer. While of course you need to ground such an emotional high in other essential ingredients like good and healthy communication – this is one way to keep things exciting and fresh. It might even work better than all those overdone candlelight dinners!
3. THE SOCIAL SOLUTION
When planning the next date night, consider going larger – include others in your dates! Be it double dates or even hanging out with each other’s friends, it can help you see your partner in a different light due to the influence of group dynamics. Your boyfriend might be the life of the party amongst his friends, and seeing how funny and charming he is with them can rekindle that initial attraction. Even harmless platonic interaction with friends of the opposite gender can trigger a little tension, reminding you how lucky you are to be together with your partner and not to take things for granted. Moreover, hanging out with others beyond the two of you also opens up a whole avenue of date ideas – say “hi” to bubble soccer tournaments, escape room shenanigans or even a group’s night out. The result: renewed sparks!
4. SPEAK THEIR LANGUAGE
We might love our significant other dearly, yet how often do we take the time to appreciate them in the way they need? To recapture the feelings of first-love warmth and fuzziness, make a conscious effort to speak your partner’s “love language”. Tailor your appreciation according to his or her love style (for those unaware of their love language, take this quiz). If your girlfriend’s love language is gifts, drop her an unexpected little gift to show you’re thinking of her. If his is quality time, set aside a whole weekend to do some couple-exclusive activities. Remember, a little goes a long way and it’s often in the details that love can flourish long-term.
5. GET CHALLENGED
A universal truth about boredom is that it arises when there are no longer any challenges – recall how’d you yearn for a new job when you have mastered the old, or how you enjoy learning a new skill such as cooking or computer programming. Likewise, in a relationship, prevent boredom from creeping in by always finding new challenges to conquer together. While your interests might be diverse, it’s imperative that you and your partner try to look within the relationship to find some common ground instead of always fighting your own challenges independently.
By facing challenges together, you will gain a better appreciation of each other’s strengths and how you work together as a team. Shared achievement is also a great relationship-cementer, so next time those marathon or mountain-climbing sign-ups comes around, you’d know who to rope in.